In July 2000, I was baptised at Brighton Road Baptist Church. I had been brought up going to church with my mum and brother and was exposed to the fact that not everyone believes in God, as my dad is not a Christian. I, however, have always believed that God must exist because of how amazing His creation is. At that young age, though, I just knew God as this powerful creator, not someone who could be my personal friend. It might sound odd, but although I knew Jesus was my friend, because I was taught that at Sunday school, I didn't really connect that this meant that God would be my friend too, if I believed.
As I began to have a deeper understanding of the Christian faith, I became worried that I might only believe because I had a lot of knowledge about God, and not because I believed it in my heart. I became more distant from church at this point as I tried to find out what I personally really thought about God and Jesus. I was still involved in 1st Horsham Girls' Brigade and Crusaders, which are both different styles of Christian youth groups.
In 1999, I went with Crusaders to ‘Spree’, a Christian youth weekend away, with a chance to meet other Christian youth groups from around the country. There was a 13+ group which met in a sort of club bar, and we went here on the last day of the camp to have worship. I had found the speakers and the whole weekend inspirational and, at the end of the service, the speaker asked if people who wanted to commit themselves to Jesus that day, would like to come forward to the front. As I began to stand to make my way to the front, I noticed about twenty others get up to do the same. I felt a real warmth that Jesus really loved me and that He wasn't making me do this alone, as I am very shy and would have found it difficult to actually make it to the front alone.
After this day I began to make a real effort to go to church to learn about God and the Lord Jesus, who I was coming to understand as my Saviour AND my friend. The youth minister at Brighton Road BC at the time was Nick Lear, and he began a youth alpha course at the church. At that time I was doing baptism at school in religious studies, and the two things seemed to be pushing me towards the idea that I should stand up for what I knew I believed in and get baptised. After the first youth alpha session I felt strongly that I should get baptised. Surprisingly I wasn't really daunted by the idea of standing up in front of lots of people and saying my testimony!
After speaking to my mum, I began baptism classes to help me to understand and prepare for my baptism. During one of the sessions, for the first time I saw Jesus described in the analogy of a bridge. That there was a big pit between us and God, which was sin, and Jesus was the bridge that allowed us to be connected with God. It really hit me that without Jesus, without Him being my Saviour, I could never have known with the certainty I had always had that God exists and Jesus loves me.
When I was baptised, I desperately underestimated the power of the devil, and as things started going wrong, I started to have doubts about what I had done, and began to think that God wasn't listening to me anymore. I thought I was too 'bad' a Christian for God to speak to, and I wanted to stop praying because I was scared it would make no difference. It has taken me a long time to realise that there is no such thing as a 'good' or 'bad' Christian, that it is only through grace we are saved. I talked with my mum about this and she eventually got me going back to church regularly.
When I started coming to Rehoboth, I was struck by the warmth of this tiny (in comparison to BRBC) church and decided to come again - and again! Soon I began to get involved in what was going on in the church, such as helping to set up and run Highway, the youth group for Year 9 and above. l wanted to do this partly because I didn't want the youth here to necessarily go through the same doubts, etc. as I did.
After David Steere talked about the parts of the church all being equally vital earlier last year, and that the church, like every church, needs all members to be there, I realised that I wanted to be part of this church, and I wrote to Steve that day to ask him what I should do next, even though the thought of reading this testimony out really scared me. I hope I can continue to help in the church this year as a member. And after the Saved 2 Serve conference I have become even more inspired to do God's work in the church.
Helen Smith
Janauary 2005